As parents, we can never underestimate the role we play in protecting and building our child\u2019s self-esteem. A good sense of self-esteem is crucial to helping our children grow up happy and secure, and to giving them the ability to overcome life\u2019s many challenges.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way for many children, their self-esteem plummets.<\/p>\n
Jack Canfield, author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, says that by fifth grade, only 20% of children have high self-esteem, compared to 80% of first graders. By the time a child graduates high school, only 5% of them have high self-esteem.<\/p>\n
Today, I\u2019d like to share with you 10 things every parent can do to help build and protect his or her child\u2019s self-esteem and create secure, happy, and confident children of the world.<\/p>\n
1. Give Your Child Recognition for Successes.<\/strong> All too often our words are reserved for telling our child what not to do rather than recognizing when they do something well. Go the extra mile to not only tell your child she is smart or good at something, but also tell your child exactly what she did that proves she smart. Instead of saying, \u201cYou\u2019re so smart,\u201d say, \u201cI thought it was really smart how you designed that tower out of old books.\u201d<\/p>\n 2. Give Your Child the Opportunity to Succeed.<\/strong> A true sense of self-worth comes from trying, failing, trying again, and finally succeeding. Allow your child to fail, help them see what needs to change, and then encourage and support them when they try again. Remember, when a child fails, they are given the opportunity to pick themselves up, brush off the dust, and move forward as a stronger and more confident individual.<\/p>\n 3. Maintain a Positive Home.<\/strong> After a long day at school, your child needs a positive place to come home to where he can feel secure, supported and loved. If you and your spouse are constantly arguing, your child may not feel that he has control over his environment and may begin to feel helpless.<\/p>\n 4. Tell Your Child You\u2019re Proud of the Effort, Not the Outcome.<\/strong> \u00a0If your child fails (i.e. her team doesn\u2019t win the game), be sure to tell her you\u2019re proud of the effort she put into it and don\u2019t dwell on the loss.<\/p>\n 5. Don\u2019t Let Bad Behavior Define Your Child. \u00a0<\/strong>If your child misbehaves, avoid making overreaching comments like, \u201cYou always misbehave\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re a bad kid.\u201d \u00a0When your child misbehaves, simply respond by saying, \u201cYou made a bad choice.\u201d This sends a signal that you\u2019re child isn\u2019t bad, but the choice he made is bad.<\/p>\n 6. Help Your Child Overcome Negative Thoughts.<\/strong> Many parents have heard their child say, \u201cI\u2019m not good at math (or fill in the blank).\u201d \u00a0Your child may be struggling with the subject, but as a parent, it\u2019s important to help the child overcome those negative feelings. Perhaps if your child says, \u201cI can\u2019t do math,\u201d respond by saying, \u201cYou do well in school when you work hard. Math is a subject that you may need to spend more time on.\u201d Avoid saying, \u201cI\u2019m not good at math either.\u201d Your child will pick up on those negative cues and feel justified in their negativity.<\/p>\n 7. Resist Comparing Your Child to Others.<\/strong> Asking, \u201cWhy can\u2019t you be more like your brother?\u201d will eventually lead your child to have a lowered sense of self-worth. Emphasize what makes your child unique rather than comparing him to others. Along the same lines, don\u2019t gossip about your child to others. If your child hears you talking with a classmate\u2019s mom or comparing his skills to his friend\u2019s skills, it can negatively impact his self-esteem.<\/p>\n 8. Help Your Child Become Well Rounded.<\/strong> Parents should help their child become well-rounded individuals with lots of interests. If you only focus on academic performance, your child may begin to believe that he\u2019s only as good as his grades. On the flip side, if you\u2019ve given him a chance to succeed at music, tennis, or drama, for example, then he is able to explore other interests and find success beyond academia.<\/p>\n